buat kamu

akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat hati ini mulai merapuh
akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat raga ini ingin berlabuh

miliki aku dengan segala kelemahanku
sungguh ku berharap engkaulah jawaban segala risau hatiku

bendang pendang terbang datang

bendang di pendang tu..
jauhnya mata sayup memandang
kembang tersenyum berkongsi
hirup zaman keanakan

bahagia memang, ayuh jom terbang
celahan awan kita bersiul suka
ringannya jiwa
salam si suria lembut menyirami di muka


armanee.
15th january, 8:11:43am

untuk che mie dan ross dan zaza dan

CHE MIE,
memang sedap kan lagu ni...patutla awak drive sorang2 3 pagi nyanyi kuat2

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu
karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
oh karena hati tlah letih

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh
aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu
tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
oh bayangmu seakan akan

kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
yang memanggil rinduku padamu
seperti udara yang kuhela kau selalu ada

hanya dirimu yang bisa membuatku tenang
tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
dan sepi, dan sepi

ROSS,
amboi amboi aamboi...(sambil cross jari kelingking)


setiap ada kamu mengapa jantungku
berdetak lebih kencang
seperti genderang mau perang

setiap ada kamu mengapa darahku
mengalir lebih cepat dari hujung kaki ke hujung kepala
setiap ada kamu otakku berfikir
bagaimana caranya untuk berdua bersama kamu

aku sedang ingin bercinta kerana
mungkin ada kamu di sini aku ingin

setiap ada kamu mengapa jantung ini
berdetak lebih kencang
seperti genderang mau perang

setiap ada kamu mengapa darah ini
mengalir lebih kencang dari hujung kaki ke hujung kepala

ZAZA,
best kan libra? ross? cepat angguk kepala

tersenyum melihat gambarmu
di jendela bawah lengkung bulan itu
yang berkata kau jua rindu

aku menanti tiba hari
berdua kita kembali
melihat angkasa
yang berkata kata

ku cinta ku sayang
aku rindu
rupanya kita serupa

bila terkena cahaya
bulan menerangi
ke jiwa diriku
pesanan luahan cinta kamu

ingin ku temui kamu
kembali ke pangkuanku
melihat angkasa
seperti waktu waktu yang lalu

ohh??
dah ku sayang dah ku cinta
dan sudah ku rindu kamu

dimana kita berdua
bersama berasmara
ke akhir nyata
selamanya


lyrics are from DEALOVA by Once, SEDANG INGIN BERCINTA by Dewa, RUPANYA KITA SERUPA by Siti Nurhaliza

macam nak nangis pun ada, 2006 - 2007

so...good bye 2006,
have i grown wiser? check
have i remember Him? check
have i say enough grace? check
have i mentioned to the people i love of my gratefulness? check

memang banyak kisah suka dan duka dan duka dan duka di tahun 2006 ni, t'was a stressfull year end for me.
and also a stressfull start in 2007 for me as well.
with never ending works and materials constraint...kaki sakit, belakang lenguh, mata macam nak tanggal, bahu lenguh..growing old sucks.

have i never learnt? also check

selamanya

kuharap mentari pagi tak menyambut,
kuharap sinar rembulan tutup mataku,
selamanya..

sejak kau pergi,
tinggalkan bumi,
tinggal aku disini..

turunkan matahari,
usir bintang-bintang,
putarlah utara ke selatan.

untuk apa lagi semuanya,
ambillah jiwa retak ini,
ku tak ingin lagi.

putuskan hari-hari bumi,
aku ingin pergi,
menuju abadi,
selamanya..




hauntingly performed by,
anggun cipta sasmi

kedaimakan in remembrance feb '06 - dec '06

out of twisted fate and hopes for a better future, i was born
not a luxury but a necessity, not without a dream..but even dream failed you sometime

counting my blessing,
of knowing my dear friends are really my dear friends
of families and foes
of stress and joy

terima kasih from the bottom of my heart
a million thank you is not even close to pay you
to the people that i love
thank you, thank you and thank you

for those who's been visiting me, thank you for your continuous support
all good things come to an end
but you all are welcome to alor setar should you miss my mother's cooking

love,
kedaimakan...sob,sob

rm56.80

don't you guys just hate it when you think you are getting your pay tomorrow so you just want to spend the last coins in your pocket and to find out the money is not there as expected? well...this is another monthly routine for me and i'm sure few more millions people who live for their paycheck at the end of the month..and i just hate it.

so...what do i do with my last rm56.80 when i thought i'm getting my pay the next day? (in my case in the next 4 hours)

shopping! (yes, you can...just bring along your self employed friend that doesn't depend on the paycheck)

"never heard before brand" blue jeans = rm100
"cute brand but also never heard before" t-shirt = rm40
F.O.S rubber slipper = rm19.90
dinner = rm16.50

eh!..but you only got rm56.80 meh?
- confidently just ask your self employed friend to pay first because you are getting your pay in about 4 hours what..
7.00pm...excitedly queing in front of atm machine with 10metres of people lining up behind me
7.03pm...baki anda rm13.76
7.03 and 1/100th sec pm...frantically pressing the batal transaksi button

and this is what happened to the remaining rm56.80

spa treatment for me and my friend = rm40 (don't ask)
carwash = rm13
ramly burger for supper = rm2.50
and i still have balance!!

....and the next day arrived
waking up excitedly (just like when i was 9yo on the morning that we're going to kuala lumpur city during school break-to visit countless relatives from penang to perak to perak to perak to perak to gombak to sg penchala...then finally kuala lumpur [to me 22 years ago, kuala lumpur is a shopping mall, any shopping mall is kuala lumpur] )

9.15am maybank2u.com
9.16am baki anda rm13.76

bengonggggg! ( hence the photo that come with this post )

it's that time of the year again!!!

you all know how i don't really like my job right? but not wanting to sound ungrateful i do love what the job has done to my life so far. only now i began to understand god's plan for me.

but anyhow that dreadful bi annual stupid 'see who can make a proper horserace holding pattern in the air with typhoon durian coming from the east' is here again!!!!
and as usual i won't even be looking for the syllabus till its time to go for the CBT, (computer based training). and the CBT is like..1 day before the actual exam. arghhhh. got to borrow QRH (quick reference handbook...i think) from my friend as soon as i get out from my towel at 'way too late for the actual CBT programme started' 10.30am. hope he has updated his...(the authority have this craving to update its contents every 4 months or so-mine was last updated in 2001)

and once i manage to get through all this commotion, i'll sure vow ( vau, not vo ) to make my preparation 1 month ahead for the next exam. and i've been making this vow for the past 11 years to no avail. really is a wonder how the hell i make it through every 6 months since forever.

and all my close friends know how jittery i can get...they just despair to be in kl during my exam time. prefering to congratulate me at the end of the whole thing and do some lalalala celebration coz i think i deserve it..( for playing roullete see if i can pass without studying routine) .

and this year is no different than 1996,1997,1998,1999,2000,2001,2002,2003,2004,2005,2006,2007,2008,2009...tsk tsk tsk

-humongous SSIIGGGHHHHH.....

ada sebab

1986, sekolah kebangsaan wan abdul samad, pokok sena, kedah :

satu hari tu cikgu zauwiyah tanyakan kelas, "murid2 besar besok nak jadi apa?"

. hilman jawab kuat2, " nak jadi askar! "
.
basiron tak mau kalah, laju membalas, " saya nak jadi komunis cikgu! "

. " kamu tahu ke apa kerja komunis tu? ", cikgu zauwiyah tanya sambil tahan gelak.

. " abis tu kalau dia jadi askar takde komunis apa dia nak buat? ", basiron confident je jawab sambil mengelap hingus di hujung kolar. ( hingus dia tak pernah kering sejak kita orang dari darjah satu lagi-1982 )

. pastu ada sorang kawan ni jawab perlahan tapi tetap kedengaran..." saya nak jadi penoreh getah, cikgu! "

. satu kelas ketawa, tapi akulah yg gelak paling deraih...bangga sebab tadi aku jawab aku nak jadi geologist, sapa pun tak tau apa kerja geologist tu..termasuk la aku ( jumpa kat ensiklopedia waktu rehat tadi, bunyi macam terror )

. " kenapa kamu nak jadi penoreh getah? ", cikgu zauwiyah tanya lagi.

. sambil teragak-agak dia menjawab, hampir berbisik, " ermm, s, sa, saya kesian kat abah, saya tak mau dia kerja teruk2 nak bagi saya pi sekolah, kalau saya ganti, abah boleh la pi buat kuih kat kedai mak jah sanggui, tak teruk sangat kerja dia" air mata dia dah bergenang, sebab malu kena gelak kan satu kelas tadi.

aku jadi malu alih2, budak yang semua orang ingat lembap tu rupa2nya jauh lebih dewasa dari kami semua. aku dah tak ingat nama dia...tapi aku nak ucap terima kasih. semoga di mana dia berada, hatinya masih bersih macam dulu2, semoga hidup abah dia lebih senang dari yang terbayang.

aku ingat sangat cerita ni sebab sejak hari tu, aku nekad ingin jadi orang yang lebih baik dan berhati mulia macam dia. mohon aku dijauhkan dari hati busuk dan dengki sesama. i left that year feeling humbled, and i'm glad to know what humble is at such young age. mohon juga diri ini di ingat kan selalu.

sarang murai

thank you affa for the pleasure of having us at your lovely place. too bad we can't spend more time there...make me can't wait for my slice of small jungle kingdom :-)

gemarimba openhouse show 2006

gadis gadis penyeri majlis..





thank you all for coming, gemarimba annual openhouse show aka art under rm1000 see slightly more participating artists than last year. it's such an effort to last this long and i can't thank you enough to those who'd been there all this while- u guys know who you are. artists and friends, staff and partner, families and foes, thank you all. THANK YOU THANK YOU selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin

ramadhan 2006

thank you all for d great ramadhan..macam sedih lak, banyak tul dugaan tahun ni. fasting month make me feel safe somehow...dari di aniaya dan di cela. mohon selalulah dilindungi hendaknya...ameen

over!

over to the max..
macam malas nak buat apa2 dan bergerak2, apsal ah?

budak2

bestkan jadi budak2..tak yah nak pikir masalah2 yg membengongkan diri ni..
dulu2 i used to think adult created their own problems and after that busy trying to find the solution because they're bored sebab dah tak yah gi sekolah. so i vowed not to leave my inner child, but sometime i forget about this promise i made to myself. i hope i can find him back and apologise for being lost. i do miss myself at that age, where i view the world differently and my opinions are actually my opinion. tapi kalu jadi 10yrs old back...taakut lak sebab tak sunat lagi





my darling li'l brother : naufal